Adieu, bitter Bordeaux

Mr. Mustard and I are having steak the other night, so I decide to riffle through the fridge and be a bit adventurous in my accompaniment. I discover a Trader Joe's Bordeaux sauce, which promises "hearty and robust flavor with a hint of black truffles." The bottle is a bit cheap looking -- an interesting shape, but the label font screams "bitter ex-avant garde artist from the late 80s who sold out and watches classic MTV in the dead of night." But I do love my Trader Joe's products -- Baby Balsamic exists almost exclusively on their chicken nuggets and soy corn dogs.

Bordeaux or Bordelaise sauce is (from wikipedia, natch) "a classic French sauce named for the great wine area of Bordeaux. The sauce is made with red wine, bone marrow, shallots and a rich brown sauce called demi-glace." The ingredients on my bottle include red wine, water, modified food starch, beef flavor, wheat flour, wine powder...and at the very end: black truffles and anise.

And now I have a horrible confession to make. I pulled this bottle out of the fridge last night, tasted it, was disgusted (it tasted like a hobo wandered into wine country and vomited bad mushrooms on the ground), and decided to toss it since I already have so much in my fridge. It's sat out for the last day and night, it contains beef products, so it's now bad. And it's only now, when I turned it on its side to read the ingredients that I notice the HEATING INSTRUCTIONS: Simply heat and simmer over low heat for 2-3 minutes Stir occasionally. Serve over cooked meat. Optional: stir in 1 oz. butter.

I'm a fool. A sad, pathetic fool. Maybe if I had prepared this correctly, its musty flavor might have deepened and given happy depths to my steak. Instead it's just me and my hubris.

And I have to throw the bottle away. Oh, Trader Joe, will you forgive me? And how will I convince Mr. Mustard to buy another bottle the next time he goes to TJs?

Bad, bad Condiment Grrl