Feeling Blue and Plain...

Sorry for no blog posts. I just haven't found anything to crow about lately. No new sauce or dip that enriched my life in a new and special way. I did re-discover Soy Vay lately for a lovely marinated flank steak recipe.

Recipe:

Get some flank steak
Slice it thinly
Put in a tightly fitting container with lots of Soy Vay
Let it marinate for 4 - 24 hours
Cook on a BBQ
Delicious, tasty cow flesh with yummy savory spice

However, it is the easy way out. As a child, I watched my mother prepare this old faithful by chopping up tons of garlic and ginger, then layering thinly sliced flank steak, ginger, garlic, and Teriyaki sauce into a jar until it was a tightly packed glass vessel of raw yumminess.

I always wanted to drink the remains after the meat had been removed for cooking, but, of course, even I didn't do it. Raw meat juice BAD. Of course, I eat sushi, but that's fish and for some reason it's different. I guess they haven't found mad fish disease yet.

Which reminds me of an old joke from the heyday of mad cow:

Two cows are standing in the field:

Cow 1: This mad cow thing is really freaking me out.
Cow 2: Yeah, good thing I'm a chicken.

See? I didn't even get that right. Sigh. I need to order some Norman Biship Garlic Dill mustard in bulk.

Condiment Grrl

A Condiment Synchronicity at "Spin the Bottle"

So, I'm quite a flexible person. Beyond the Yoga and Pilates, I also have been known to perform. And people have been telling me, "Condiment Grrl, your stunning beauty and your witty way must be on the stage! Now!" Okay, maybe they didn't phrase it quite that way, but you get the point.

So acceeding to their wishes and my own lust for fame, last Friday night, I performed in a late night cabaret with the estimable Annex Theatre, Spin The Bottle. This is a fabulous cabaret that has been going on for years and years, always hosted by the wonderfully dry Bruce Hall. You can see everything and anything there -- I myself have seen The McDonaldLand Theater company, dirty fun smut from Kerri Healy, sublime sexy shadow puppetry from Scot Augustson, and all kinds of cool things.

Of course you are all thinking, "But Condiment Grrl, how could you possibly be involved in something that might be R-rated!" And I say to you that my readings, except for my treatise on Savory flavored Love Toys, were all ready for good family fun.

While I was waiting in the lounge with the other performers, I watched a lovely young woman loading condiment bottles with their matching colored condiments -- ketchup, mustard, mayo. Then I watched her take off all her clothes and paint blue stars on her breasts. As it turned out, without any pre-planning by the Artistic Director, Bret Fetzer, of the event, they were also showing condiment related burlesque!

The Moon was Clearly in Mustard.

Sadly, I had to leave at intermission and missed the act which involved a young woman in a secretary's outfit attempting to put condiments on her lunch, only to spray herself "accidentally" causing her to constantly remove one layer of clothing after another. It sounds delightful and I shall have to go and look out for more from these young women -- Bianca Cabrerra and Jenna Bean Veatch. Clearly, they are destined for great success.

Maybe, in fact, we should do a variety show devoted entirely to condiments.

It's a thought. And clearly, the world awaits!

Condiment Grrl