Slumming in the Condiment World
You all should be very proud and very ashamed of me. I completed a the Danskin triathlon this last Sunday. Yay for Condiment Grrl! I swam half a mile, rode my bike for 12.5 miles, then ran for 3.2 miles. And all without a single bite of mustard to sustain me. My mother, who I affectionately refer to as Mama Salsa, came up from California to watch me cross the finish line, but she ended up chasing after Baby Balsamic. C'est la vie.
After the race, though, after the race, I hungered, deeply and truly. I was exhausted, I had Mama Salsa and Baby Balsamic in the car and Baby Balsamic also hungered. I had no food and an hour long drive in front of me. What to do? Then I saw the evil, ubiquitious Golden Arches. Now, let it be known that I have NEVER taken my child to McDonald's. NEVER. Mr. Mustard has taken her there a couple times, when I haven't been home for dinner, but not me. But they beckoned and I answered their siren call, procuring chicken nuggets for myself and a Happy Meal for Baby Balsamic (the toy was some kind of pocket doll that came with her own Iron Maiden in plastic. Very strange.) Now, the question in all of your minds - what did I dip the nuggets into? Well, I'm a mixer and a matcher by trade, so I had a ranch dip and a chipotle bbq sauce on the ready. Of course, I was driving and I should know better than to dip and drive. Luckily, Mama Salsa was on hand to help me out. She peeled back the little cups of corporate dipping sauces and held them up for me to dip into while I drove.
I quickly forgave her for all my childhood traumas, including the time she ripped up my Rod Stewart poster.
Now, I'm perfectly aware that McDonald's dips are pretty much all chemicals, no real substance, but they have PERFECTED those chemicals so that my taste buds exploded in tiny orgasms each time I crunched down onto a juicy nugget covered in creamy ranch with a sweet, vaguely hot underbelly of chipotle bbq. I'm sure it had nothing to do with all the exertion I had just undergone. But the sauces weren't half-bad; they were actually pretty good. Once in a while. I think if you had them everyday, you would quickly develop Type 2 Diabetes because they are loaded with sugar.
I'm still recovering from both experiences, although I think I cleansed my pallet tonight with my Norman Bishop Cranberry Mustard.
Don't Dip and Drive,
Condiment Grrl
After the race, though, after the race, I hungered, deeply and truly. I was exhausted, I had Mama Salsa and Baby Balsamic in the car and Baby Balsamic also hungered. I had no food and an hour long drive in front of me. What to do? Then I saw the evil, ubiquitious Golden Arches. Now, let it be known that I have NEVER taken my child to McDonald's. NEVER. Mr. Mustard has taken her there a couple times, when I haven't been home for dinner, but not me. But they beckoned and I answered their siren call, procuring chicken nuggets for myself and a Happy Meal for Baby Balsamic (the toy was some kind of pocket doll that came with her own Iron Maiden in plastic. Very strange.) Now, the question in all of your minds - what did I dip the nuggets into? Well, I'm a mixer and a matcher by trade, so I had a ranch dip and a chipotle bbq sauce on the ready. Of course, I was driving and I should know better than to dip and drive. Luckily, Mama Salsa was on hand to help me out. She peeled back the little cups of corporate dipping sauces and held them up for me to dip into while I drove.
I quickly forgave her for all my childhood traumas, including the time she ripped up my Rod Stewart poster.
Now, I'm perfectly aware that McDonald's dips are pretty much all chemicals, no real substance, but they have PERFECTED those chemicals so that my taste buds exploded in tiny orgasms each time I crunched down onto a juicy nugget covered in creamy ranch with a sweet, vaguely hot underbelly of chipotle bbq. I'm sure it had nothing to do with all the exertion I had just undergone. But the sauces weren't half-bad; they were actually pretty good. Once in a while. I think if you had them everyday, you would quickly develop Type 2 Diabetes because they are loaded with sugar.
I'm still recovering from both experiences, although I think I cleansed my pallet tonight with my Norman Bishop Cranberry Mustard.
Don't Dip and Drive,
Condiment Grrl
posted by CondimentGrrl at 10:47 PM
1 Comments:
There is more to be said here. I'd love to see posts on each individual McD's dipping sauce. Reviews, if you will!
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