Condiments and the Apocalyse
Between terrorists, bird flu, global warming, and George Bush attempting to give the German Chancellor a backrub, we are told to prepare for crisis and chaos. Buy up camping supplies, freeze-dried food and firestarters and prepare to hunker down in your all-purpose shelter (the term bomb shelter is so passe).
I recently revisited my disaster planning in my head while watching the recent remake of "War of the Worlds" trying to distract myself from Tom Cruise's performance. In the early part of the movie, Tom instructs his older son to pack up food so they can flee the giant, scary, blood-drinking tripods of doom. When they arrive at a rest stop, Tom peruses the food packed by his son with growing anger: "Ketchup? Mustard? Relish? Barbeque sauce?" Of course, we're supposed to sympathize with Tom's character when he lashes out at his son for packing the wrong kinds of food, but my eyes were overflowing as I realized that I would only be able to pack a certain number of condiments at the time of the apocalyse and some would have to go. How could this be? How could I lose any of my, to quote Gollum, "preciouses?"
As I wait for my latest case of Norman Bishop Dill Garlic mustard, I'm aware that at least three bottles of that will be tucked into my "in case of the apocalyse" case. Ketchup, of course. A jug of Trader Joe's Balsamic vinegar. I'll have to roam through my cabinets and see what will fit and what Mr. Mustard will allow.
And let's not even mention the fact that the Tom's son in the movie deserved a medal for quick thinking. When the demand is high for various foodstuffs, will the people want the soylent green or the sauce that will hide the taste of the soylent green? I'm betting on the barbeque sauce.
Think Peace,
Condiment Grrl
I recently revisited my disaster planning in my head while watching the recent remake of "War of the Worlds" trying to distract myself from Tom Cruise's performance. In the early part of the movie, Tom instructs his older son to pack up food so they can flee the giant, scary, blood-drinking tripods of doom. When they arrive at a rest stop, Tom peruses the food packed by his son with growing anger: "Ketchup? Mustard? Relish? Barbeque sauce?" Of course, we're supposed to sympathize with Tom's character when he lashes out at his son for packing the wrong kinds of food, but my eyes were overflowing as I realized that I would only be able to pack a certain number of condiments at the time of the apocalyse and some would have to go. How could this be? How could I lose any of my, to quote Gollum, "preciouses?"
As I wait for my latest case of Norman Bishop Dill Garlic mustard, I'm aware that at least three bottles of that will be tucked into my "in case of the apocalyse" case. Ketchup, of course. A jug of Trader Joe's Balsamic vinegar. I'll have to roam through my cabinets and see what will fit and what Mr. Mustard will allow.
And let's not even mention the fact that the Tom's son in the movie deserved a medal for quick thinking. When the demand is high for various foodstuffs, will the people want the soylent green or the sauce that will hide the taste of the soylent green? I'm betting on the barbeque sauce.
Think Peace,
Condiment Grrl
posted by CondimentGrrl at 11:26 PM
3 Comments:
Actually, what was REALLY funny about that scene (and probably the only legitimate bit of comedy in the whole ponderously preposterous film - yeah, yeah 9/11 - WE GET IT, Steve), was that the kid's response to TC's tongue-lashing was something along the lines of, "Dad, this was all you had in the cupboards!"
Meaning, either that TC's character was not so good with the cookingness, or that he really, really loved his condiments.
Yes, but if TC's character loved his condiments, he would have been delighted at his son's resourcefulness. And yet, he was not.
My son wouldn't be ready for the Apocalypse unless he had a bottle of A1 Steak Sauce with him. He puts that stuff on everything, and I mean - EVERYTHING!
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