Condiment Alert!

My husband just received in the mail two separate shipments of Penzey’s Spices Creamy Peppercorn spice mix as a gift from a long-distance friend. There were two shipments because the first shipment took a long time to get to us and we assumed it was lost. They sent another, which we received. Then we got the first one.

First off, a review of this condiment: Creamy Peppercorn mix can be used directly on roasts or can be, through a tricky process not unlike creating medieval Icelandic mustard involving stirring the mixture in some water, letting it sit, then mixing it with mayonnaise. Now, as any rational and intelligent person knows, it’s very difficult to go wrong with the creamy manna known as mayonnaise.

I did have one moment of doubt several years back, when my good friend Anna usurped the dressing I had prepared to put mayonnaise on her salad. She gave me a guilty look and said, “This is how we eat salad in my family.” But she was newly pregnant with her son, Otis, so it could be forgiven.

Anyway, my husband prepared this creamy peppercorn mayonnaise to go with some cold chicken one night. I swirled my finger into the bowl, gleeful at my introduction to a new favorite. I put my finger in my mouth and I tasted something akin to what would be served at a salad bar at Applebees: too salty, not enough pepper flavor, just not “Condiment Grrl worthy.” For the record, my husband liked it just fine and looked at me in disgust when I promptly pulled my waiting jar of Robert Rothschild Lemon Dill & Capers Sauce from the fridge (http://www.gourmetfoodrecipes.com/lemon-dill-capers-sauce.html).

The story gets worse when we receive a SECOND shipment of the spice from Penzeys – apparently the first shipment finally got to us. When I pulled the bag out of the box, I noticed the spices in the bag jumping around. At first I thought to myself, “Is there some kind of trick of physics and spices and being brought into light that would cause this sort of movement?” Well, the answer to that is a big, fat “NO.” It was bugs. There were bugs in the spice bag. In a better America, that would be punishable by public flogging and being forced to eat all your food without ANY spice or condiment for three months. In this case, we’ll just complain and see what happens.

Now, I don’t mean to totally dismiss Penzeys yet. I’ve trolled their website and they have some intriguing products. So, I’m going to purchase some Shallot Salt and see how good that is, if it’s any good, they’ll go on my “Recommended Purveyors of Condiments” list. Otherwise, the Condiment Goddess Dillmustardalia, will somehow smite the company.

Bugs, people

Condiment Grrl