Young Love and Ketchup
Now that it's May and a young man's fancy should be turning to thoughts of love, I'm going to bring you some "found love letters." Yesterday, I found two crumpled pieces of paper on the curb in front of my house. Here, for your reading pleasure, are their contents.
The names have been changed to protect the innocent and not-so-innocent:
"Tony,
Hi. I know you never write back but I dont care. I went by your house yesterday because I took my brother to Grant cuz my brother wanted to go their. So after you guys left yesterday me and Lilac laid in the middle of the basketball court till 5:30. I think you like Bessie. Don't you? I asked you that B4 and you said no but I think you do. Well ya w/e. Why isn't Kevin at school? Lilac is really sad cuz she thinks Kevin hates her. She wrote me a note sayin please make Kevin stop hating me. She said she'll bve me 4 ever if I make him stop. Yeah she likes him alot. I mite wear pants with no writing on them this week. Maybe. Why should I wear pants with no writing on them this week. I never do. I'm so bored grr!! I wrote alot of people a note. So then I wrote you a note. Ben came up to me 2 day and asked me if I liked you and I said who told you that he said Tony. We wanted you and Lilac wanted Kevin to come back yesterday. We were like hopefully they'll come back ME and Lilac r gonna lay in the middle of the basketball court after skool again cuz its fun. Well ya. I really did cry about the Lana thing. You think its funny but it's not your mean. Ugh. Well no more room even though you dont write back its not gonna stop me from writing yo.
Peace out! Celene"
And then this missive:
"Tony,
We went by your house at like 11:15 pm. We were calling ur name. Emily called you last nite and said it was me. Well not like you care but I'm sad at you cuz your gonna go out with Bessie cuz she said she likes you and she'd go out with you and now sence you know that your gonna go out with her and now I don't even have a tiny itty-bitty chance with you. TT. Well how r u? Today if you can me and Lilac will be in the b-ball courts at 5:15 cuz she has 2 go 2 counsling if you and Kevin want 2 hang out. Well w/b even know you won't you should. Well, Peace out!
Celene's name is signed with little hearts on each side on each letter and I found them crumpled on the street. Clearly, this Tony does not care about her or her tenderly offered feelings. Really, these letters are making me tear up; I so vividly remember the pain and angst and anguished love of my early teenaged years. This girl wrote her heart out to this boy and she's right when she says "you don't write back." No, honey, he don't write back. The sooner you learn that there are some boys who just don't write back, the sooner you can be free for lots of fabulous adventures all over the world with boys or girls who do write back and who will adore you for the amazing creature who always wears pants with writing on them.
I long to go buy two chocolate milkshakes and a bag of hot, delicious french fries with lots of ketchup on the side and deliver them to Celene and Lilac as they lay waiting, hoping and wishing, in the middle of the basketball court, for two young boys who will probably never join them because Tony's off with that tramp, Bessie. I would do this, but I know that they'd think I was some crazy, perverted lady and probably throw away the food.
Ketchup is the ideal condiment for this situation because it encompasses sweet and savory and bad chemical compounds you really shouldn't be eating in one gleaming mound of red goodness. Celene could take a hot french fry, swipe it through a smear of ketchup, and crunch down on it, picturing the blood steaming out of Tony's cold heart.
Celene, I am visualizing a wonderful future for you.
Pass the ketchup,
CondimentGrrl
The names have been changed to protect the innocent and not-so-innocent:
"Tony,
Hi. I know you never write back but I dont care. I went by your house yesterday because I took my brother to Grant cuz my brother wanted to go their. So after you guys left yesterday me and Lilac laid in the middle of the basketball court till 5:30. I think you like Bessie. Don't you? I asked you that B4 and you said no but I think you do. Well ya w/e. Why isn't Kevin at school? Lilac is really sad cuz she thinks Kevin hates her. She wrote me a note sayin please make Kevin stop hating me. She said she'll bve me 4 ever if I make him stop. Yeah she likes him alot. I mite wear pants with no writing on them this week. Maybe. Why should I wear pants with no writing on them this week. I never do. I'm so bored grr!! I wrote alot of people a note. So then I wrote you a note. Ben came up to me 2 day and asked me if I liked you and I said who told you that he said Tony. We wanted you and Lilac wanted Kevin to come back yesterday. We were like hopefully they'll come back ME and Lilac r gonna lay in the middle of the basketball court after skool again cuz its fun. Well ya. I really did cry about the Lana thing. You think its funny but it's not your mean. Ugh. Well no more room even though you dont write back its not gonna stop me from writing yo.
Peace out! Celene"
And then this missive:
"Tony,
We went by your house at like 11:15 pm. We were calling ur name. Emily called you last nite and said it was me. Well not like you care but I'm sad at you cuz your gonna go out with Bessie cuz she said she likes you and she'd go out with you and now sence you know that your gonna go out with her and now I don't even have a tiny itty-bitty chance with you. TT. Well how r u? Today if you can me and Lilac will be in the b-ball courts at 5:15 cuz she has 2 go 2 counsling if you and Kevin want 2 hang out. Well w/b even know you won't you should. Well, Peace out!
Celene's name is signed with little hearts on each side on each letter and I found them crumpled on the street. Clearly, this Tony does not care about her or her tenderly offered feelings. Really, these letters are making me tear up; I so vividly remember the pain and angst and anguished love of my early teenaged years. This girl wrote her heart out to this boy and she's right when she says "you don't write back." No, honey, he don't write back. The sooner you learn that there are some boys who just don't write back, the sooner you can be free for lots of fabulous adventures all over the world with boys or girls who do write back and who will adore you for the amazing creature who always wears pants with writing on them.
I long to go buy two chocolate milkshakes and a bag of hot, delicious french fries with lots of ketchup on the side and deliver them to Celene and Lilac as they lay waiting, hoping and wishing, in the middle of the basketball court, for two young boys who will probably never join them because Tony's off with that tramp, Bessie. I would do this, but I know that they'd think I was some crazy, perverted lady and probably throw away the food.
Ketchup is the ideal condiment for this situation because it encompasses sweet and savory and bad chemical compounds you really shouldn't be eating in one gleaming mound of red goodness. Celene could take a hot french fry, swipe it through a smear of ketchup, and crunch down on it, picturing the blood steaming out of Tony's cold heart.
Celene, I am visualizing a wonderful future for you.
Pass the ketchup,
CondimentGrrl
posted by CondimentGrrl at 10:30 PM
4 Comments:
ketchup, how bourgeois.
I know you can do better then ketchup.
Oh, plesantvalleaysalley, sometimes you can't do better than ketchup. And I don't think a young teenager could appreciate the fine delights of a chipotle raspberry sauce or a lovely garlic mayonnaise.
I'm not a big fan of ketchup/catsup simply because of the high sweetness factor. Fortunately, Heinz makes a perfectly acceptable Chili Sauce, which I find much more satisfying.
And I'm a sucker for just about any kind of BBQ sauce, although I must say the JD is one of my faves.
And A-1. Can't forget the A-1 Sauce.
And Condiment Grrl!
Don't forget Low Carb Ketchup, which is just as sweet with a lot fewer calories and carbs!
But your post reminds us all of the bittersweet, tangled, difficult-to-communicate problems of thinking that we need someone to love us, and in our forgetting where the feeling of love really comes from....
Ciao 4 Now,
Yr St Louis Friend,
Dano
P.S. Yr web page mentions all the wonderful writing you've done, but there's no links to Amazon or anything, so how can we read what you've written play-wise? HMMM!?!?!?
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