What does this say about me?

I've always thought that you could see the entire history of my life if you just rifle through enough of my t-shirts. A unique time-and-place imprint lurks beneath the cotton and iron-on decals that define my existence on this planet; a fabric piece of a puzzle that combine to create my own unique soul-DNA:

"Esperanto!" (My father was the president of the Esperanto society.)

"Hardy Boys Fan Club" (I don't want to hear about it. And yes, Shaun was my favorite.)

"UU - Liberal Religious Youth" (you know who you are)

"It will be a great day when the schools have all the money they need and the Air Force has to hold a bake sale to buy a bomber." (Still so true.)

"Peace Now" (Yes, I was a Berkeley girl. This shirt is purple with a pretty tree.)

"Ugly from the Front" (You have to be a Lyle Lovett fan to understand this one.)

"Davis Whole Earth Festival" (You had to be there to understand.)

"San Francisco Mime Troupe" (Not silent Mimes! Go here for more info.)

"Clinton/Gore '92" (Sigh.)

"Righteous Babe." (You gotta know the music of Ani DiFranco.)

"Condiment Phrenology." What's that you say? You've never heard of this shirt? Well, I just found out today when I received my mailing from the Mount Horeb Mustard Museum. I LOVE the whole "This is Your Brain on..." jokes. There can never be too many of those for me. They always crack me up. And this one just spoke to me, to my soul in a way that sang of new depths of my experience, of my life, and my emotions.

Mine and Baby Balsamic's should be on its way to us now. You can order yours here. As soon as it gets here, I will pose us both so you can see us for who we are now in our life. Of course, if Baby Balsamic could read, she would be most upset at the message as she worships ketchup as her very favorite vegetable ever.

I can just picture her, decades from now rifling through her very own t-shirt collection, which will hopefully read something like:

"President of the Honor Student Society"

"Official Olympic Women's Soccer Team 2024"

"My Mom is the best Mom ever!"

"Pete Seeger rulz!" (I want her to have a little rebelious phase. Just a little one. It's healthy.)

"Official Society of the Extremely Wealthy, yet Liberal and Giving, Investment Banker types who believe in Supporting their Parents in their Old Age."

Then I can see her in her therapist's office, pulling out a tiny "Condiment Phrenology" t-shirt and saying, "This shirt has always confused me, made me question my identity. I've always loved ketchup, so why should I have a shirt that defames ketchup. It's not right. WHO AM I?"

Then she'll start humming "Puff the Magic Dragon" to herself to calm herself down and fanning herself with a sheaf of 1,000 dollar bills. It's an image to warm a mother's heart.

What t-shirts are hiding in your closet?

Condiment Grrl