Another Day, Another Mustard

Well, I'm back. I'd like to say that my blogging absence had to do with my horrible mistake about butter not being dairy, so I retreated into a monastic state to meditate on my relationship to each food element that makes up the foodstuffs that complete our lives. To really think about butter, and pure cane sugar, and each egg, and blah blah blah.

Truth is, I got sick and ended up spending too much time on the couch watching Season One of Project Runway. And I don't care what anyone says, I have to like a contestant named Wendy Pepper.

Tonight, I present to you my thorough and bias-free judging process for a new mustard. Also, let me add that this mustard is actually not new to me. I've tried it before, but I think it was the wrong phase of the moon or something, because I barely noticed it.

We're having Kurabata Ham for dinner and the stove is broken and I was feeling destitute because I couldn't glaze the ham with a savory-sweet mustard/honey concoction. So, I slathered over my true feelings with mustard. Stonewall Kitchen Maine Maple Champagne Mustard to be exact. I was cranky about only having a mustard. I figured I would need to add things to it for the exact taste combination I was craving (Maple Syrup and Apple Cider Vinegar). I opened the jar and dipped my finger in, put it in my mouth to figure out combinatiosn, etc. and was delighted to find the exact taste that I was actually looking for. I capped the jar and put it on the dinner table as is.

It went quite well with the ham. I put a pile on my plate, then loaded up Baby Balsamic. She initially wanted ketchup, but I talked her into the specialty mustard because it is really sweet. Then I had a little battle in my head because it's so expensive and ketchup is cheaper, but we get Heinz ketchup (we don't want the terrorists to win!) and it has all those fructose corn syrup chemical ingredients and this mustard has only wholesome ingredients like Maine Maple Syrup, clearly collected by a fresh apple-cheeked girl who only eats organic vegan tofu. So, Baby Balsamic had two platefuls of the more expensive alternative (after licking salad dressing off another plate; it's like she's my clone, not my child).

Then later, I bring the mustard in my office to make sure it really has what's advertised on the bottle. Again, I dip my finger in, and I can actually taste a touch of champagne, the maple and, obviously, the mustard. I think the champagne is what I'm going to term a bridging ingredient -- the bubbles dance the maple and the mustard together. That's got to be the reason. The two other flavors are so heavy that this lightens up the whole mixture.

Hmm...that's a lot of deep thought for 11:10 p.m. on a Sunday. Enough, in fact.

Condiment Grrl